Well, we thought it was going to get messy. Lo and behold, this week saw the beginnings of what is going to be a truly horrendous election period.
An extension is now the most likely outcome on the 31st of October. As such, the desperate scramble by Boris Johnson’s team to defect blame away from them has started in earnest.
There was the scorched earth tweet sent from Cummings to a Spectator journalist, Leave.EU’s xenophobic and moronic anti-German tweets, and tweets aplenty from Leave-supporting MPs and commentators about the EU’s refusal to compromise.
It must be noted that the EU refused to “compromise” on Johnson’s attempt at a Brexit proposal, which amounted to the diplomatic equivalent of attending a Remembrance Sunday event and farting into the microphone.
This week marked the beginning of the end for this current phase of Brexit. Toxic, hate-baiting and literally illegal, Johnson’s stewardship has been nothing short of dangerous to society.
And yet he’ll probably win a General Election.
Links to previous blogs are found in sub-headings, where available.
As I predicted in the blog linked above, the Arcuri scandal has now faded from memory. We probably won’t hear of it again. While investigations into Johnson’s mayoral conduct are ongoing by the Greater London Assembly, it is unlikely that they will achieve anything.
There is something tantalising about the fact that Boris submitted evidence but requested that the contents remain a secret, for sure.
But, again, unless he confesses, it is extremely hard to prove anything. While he might have personally intervened to improve Arcuri’s profile, he could legitimately argue that he thought she would benefit the trade delegations he put her on, or contribute to the British economy by giving her companies grants.
Favouritism for personal reasons is illegal. Favouritism for economic gain is encouraged. How can you tell one from the other without hard evidence?
Anyway. What we can all agree on is that Boris Johnson probably banged a blonde, 27 year old woman while his wife was suffering from cancer. He then also probably used taxpayer money to help her career, and she’s taken some of that money back to the US with her.
Sadly, we cannot prove it. But just the fact that you, reading this, know that it’s probably true, shows the character of the man who is our Prime Minister.
Monday also saw this:
The beginning of the blame game – election posturing come early, pitching the EU as the bad guys.
It’s only going to get worse from here.
Last week, Johnson sent the EU his Brexit offer. It would have been more useful to send them a glitter bomb full of guinea pig turds.
Essentially, the proposal was to have two borders on the island of Ireland, away from the border, rather than one; to give the Northern Irish government a chance to veto the arrangements; and to tell the EU that this was their “Final Offer.”
Because of the fact that, historically, there have been a few small kerfuffles on the Irish border, the offer was a non-starter. It was divisive, pointless, and failed to learn from the last three years of negotiations.
In a phone call with Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, Boris was told this in no uncertain terms. This led to No. 10 releasing a bad-tempered statement, saying that Merkel showed that the EU were never going to give way, so they should prepare for no-deal.
Toys? Pram? Thrown.
Then, Leave.EU popped this little gem out on Twitter.
Which led to a major backlash, not just from Remain-supporters, but a Brexit party MEP and Piers bloody Morgan.
A tweet, therefore, as misjudged as a photography contest by David Blunkett.
Then, that evening, Parliament was prorogued again. Legitimately, this time, in preparation for a Queen’s Speech, which will happen on Monday, 14th of October.
One can only imagine how thrilled Queenie must be to give a speech that lays out the framework for a government led by the man who openly lied to her.
“Her majesty’s government will look to give vital funding to the NHS, our most vulner… oh sawd it, he’s a bloody twat, I’ve had enough of this. Charles, you’re up. Queenie out, I’m orf to bloody Benidorm.“
WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY
With Parliament prorogued, nothing happened in the House of Commons. But the tone around Brexit did shift, quite significantly.
Leave.EU’s Arron Banks, funder-in-chief and epic shitbag, apologised for the anti-German images his group had posted online. He did, however, blame his team rather than take responsibility.
You stay classy, Baron Wanks.
I’d just like to say that I came up with that name on the spot, and I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that I’m more proud of.
Which says quite a lot about me.
Anyhoo, Johnson himself went to see Leo Varadkar, the Irish Taioseach or Prime Minister, yesterday. This was to try to clear the air between the Republic of Ireland, the EU and the UK – Johnson’s team had been quickly torn apart over its stupid blame game and so the tone was far more genteel.
And, to his credit, Boris managed to negotiate without it being a colossal tyre-fire.
This is surprisingly optimistic, and, in a time where all language is sensationalist, a welcome return to sanity.
Yes, I know. There’s a but.
Varadkar’s statement requires a huge amount of shifting by Johnson, and conceding on points that many within the House of Commons will not support, least of all the DUP.
To concede too much to the EU is to lose his support in Parliament. To keep his support is to stonewall the EU’s requests for flexibility.
It’s a pure, almost beautifully-tragic Catch-22.
So even though the rhetoric has, mercifully, been toned down in favour of compromise, it is still next to impossible for an actual deal to be found.
And, once the election is confirmed, the rhetoric will, once again, be ramped up to 11.
Maybe Johnson will just step up to the House of Commons despatch box and call Jeremy Corbyn a withered old ballsack.
Maybe Jeremy Corbyn will call Boris Johnson an over-inflated colostomy bag that’s been dropped on the floor of a dog-groomers.
Maybe John Bercow will call everyone a bell-end, long-arm a can of Strongbow and set fire to the Speaker’s chair.
We will know next week.